8. Calling BS on natural soap

I already knew about the controversy in cosmetics. The business is rife with shady self-regulation, known neurotoxins and cancerous chemicals in thousands of products, and the petroleum products that ruin our environment. I am currently seeking alternatives for a wide variety of cleaners and soaps in my home. But this particular brand I found was completely baffling. I happened to find a “natural” product that has all the confusing logic and razzle dazzle marketing of a big brand soap and even more wild claims to boot.

It began when I was looking around the internet and stumbled on “10 ways to naturally thicken hair”. I read it for laughs really, because I seriously doubt standing in a horse stance would make my hair nicer. This dubious article led me to this link: http://www.handmadesoapuk.org/the-taoist-handmade-soap-uk/

Within seconds of going onto the page I was confused. It’s made out of… earth? Are you seriously telling me your soap is made out of dirt? The only logical thing I could think of is that the earth is used as an abrasive to exfoliate skin. But still- no matter how many fancy labels you tack on at the beginning, “Rare Virgin Earth” means dirt. Besides, if it was so rare and pure, why would I bother washing it down the drain? Quick, package this pile of dirt we have laying around, someone will pay huge bucks for it! Oh wait, that’s what they’re doing with this soap. £30 plus shipping is a great margin of profit when one of your touted ingredients is free.

The second thing that really bothered me was the rest of the ‘ingredient list’. It reads, and I quote: 40 Blend of Daoist Herbs including Daoist Salt. What the Christ nuggets is a daoist herb? Is it blessed by a daoist or prepared a certain way, like kosher salt? It really reminds me of the “natural flavors” that companies use as a catch all for all the unpleasant stuff they pump into our food to make it taste right. Believe me, I like herbs.  But 1) I want to know what is in my soap, so cough up the real list of ingredients 2) you have to define the term Daoist if you actually want to make that a selling point, and 3) to my knowledge herbs smell nice, but they don’t exactly clean well. 

There is a huge list of benefits from this soap as well, which makes me nervous. Any time I see the word “detox” it’s like a little red flag for new age bull shit. It also “reaches all layers of the skin” Hmm, I’m not sure that’s how soap is supposed to work. It’s for getting rid of grime on the outer layer of my hands and I don’t want it anywhere else, thanks. One of the most ridiculous claims is that it’s so safe it’s edible. I don’t doubt them, but it just boggles my mind that it’s one of their selling points for a bar of soap. I can’t say anything for the other benefits such as curing acne, getting rid of eczema, and stopping hair loss. I honestly don’t know how those conditions are cured. But for some reason, I’m suspicious that this bar of expensive dirt and plants might not be a panacea for all of your skin woes.

The thing that gets my chaps in a twist is that this is the exact same scam the big chemical companies are playing. They tell us “we’re all natural, we swear! And just look at all these wonderful benefits! We’re much healthier than our competitors! Why do you want to know what’s in it? Just shut up and use it.” Call me a skeptic, but virgin earth and daoist salt is just as shady as petroleum based “herbal essence” because neither product is fully explained to us. Yet we get near magical results from these mystery sauces. As a scientist and a skeptic, I call shenanigans.

I refuse to be fooled by any industry, big chemical or all natural. A good rule of thumb: if you don’t know what’s in your product, don’t smear it on your face. Until soaps like these come clean, I certainly won’t be using them.