I was walking through campus today when I heard the juicy
sound of gossip whipping through the air. “I mean, after what he did to her? Of
course she isn’t going to care about his problems. He seemed really mad when
she just blew him off, so I just told him…” I peered over my shoulder as I saw
three freshman girls walk away from me, two paying rapt attention to the one in
the middle.
Ah, to be young. I’m
glad I don’t have to deal with that type of drama anymore. I thought to
myself. I frowned at this weird thought. Actually, throughout my high school
and undergrad experiences, I’ve never
had to deal with drama. Other people mentioned it, but it always had passed me
by. Well, there was one time in anime club where the presidency was disputed.
But that was one power struggle in about an 8-year period that was relatively gossip
free.
As I got in out of the drizzling rain, I wondered to myself
how I had dodged the drama bullet. I had a mini-epiphany when I realized that
it was because of how I made friends. It wasn’t that I had a lack of friends.
My friends just didn’t know each other.
I have a strange habit of getting to know people in
completely different social groups. My one or two psychology friends don’t hang
out with my one writing friend, who is completely separate from my anime friends,
who don’t know my D&D group. In fact in my anime club I have two groups of
friends I hang out with- the freshmen and the seniors. We are literally all in
the same room, but I go to the back to socialize with my young girl friends and
to the front to talk to my older guy friends. I wonder why I haven’t herded
them together yet so I can sit and talk in peace instead of bouncing around the
room.
It’s so strange I’ve never recognized this pattern before.
But I guess it explains why it was always such a pain to throw parties with my
friends in undergrad. So many conflicting schedules meant no one could ever
come. I’m becoming more and more aware of it as I go through this semester. It’s
like every other weekend I’m suddenly up to my eyeballs with invites. I have to
divvy out half days to each handful of friends so I don’t lose touch with any
of them. This weekend has been particularly stressful, figuring out time for
work friends, parents, anime friends, and my significant other. As a certified
introvert it’s a bit overwhelming at times, but I certainly don’t want to give
up any of my relationships because of it.
But, the benefit of having a multitude of disparate friends
is you only ever hear one side of the story. If a friend came to me complaining
about this other person in her program, I can assure them I don’t know who they’re
talking about. My friend will have someone to talk to consequence free. No torn
loyalties or secrets to keep. I will listen sympathetically to any snarky
comments or rant that they happen to have in store. As an added bonus, due to
my horrible memory with names, I’ll probably forget who my friend was talking
about soon after they leave.
So the bottom line: is my extra time and effort worth
dodging possible drama? Is one large group of friends who know each other a
better system than several single friends? I have no idea. I just know there’s
nothing quite like being philosophical about the intrinsic worth of friendship
patterns with a cup of peppermint tea and a deadline for an essay looming over
your head.
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