9. Have a chat with yourself

I think the world would be a much better place if people just talked to themselves.

And I'm not talking about auditory hallucinations. Everyone has voices in their head, and sometimes we do talk to them. When I was younger, sometimes for fun I would hold a conversation in my head between two different people. Because I was such a nerd, it was usually Starfire and Raven from the Teen Titans cartoon. They would usually argue the pros and cons of a decision, like doing my homework or biking down to the convenience store. I used to do it when I was just bored and killing time.

But now that I’m getting a degree in college counseling, I understand the power of talking through a problem. Whether you talk to a therapist, family member, or friend, talking out loud about a problem can help clarify the solutions. But until today, I had never tried to talk to myself like this. I decided to explore this thought a little and apply it to a random situation in my life. I settled on why I was such a terrible procrastinator when it comes to my homework. 

So I divided my thought processes: one as the client, one as the sympathetic counselor. They aren’t any particular characters this time, but I do imagine the counselor as a little more professional and cool and the client as distressed by the problem. The thoughts go something like this…

Counselor: so, why have you come to see me today?

Client: It’s terrible. I keep procrastinating on my schoolwork! I have this essay due on Tuesday and I feel like I’ve barely worked on it.

Counselor: I see. So what usually distracts you?

Client: The usual stuff. Facebook, Youtube, pictures of cats with captions…

Counselor: That’s a little strange to me. I know that you’ve been working on this project since last week. I look over it now and see that all you need to do is finish one section and edit the whole piece. Why are you worried about your essay?

Client: …that’s a good question. I don’t know, maybe because I’m worried about the grade I’m going to get on it? I always feel like I never finish an essay because it’s never perfect to me.

Counselor: interesting. Can you explain a little more?

Client: hmmm. It’s like the assignment isn’t over until I get the grade in my hand. I always worry about if I made a stupid grammar mistake or if I misread a question. Maybe I’m not worried about procrastination and more about perfectionism.

This conversation was shortened a little for brevity, and I could have gone on to explore my perfectionistic tendencies, but you can get the gist. Pick a problem, describe it, and then start to question yourself about it. Have the tenacity of a little kid asking “why?” over and over again, but make sure to treat yourself kindly and don’t be accusatory with your questions.

I think this technique works because of two main things. People don’t often put their thoughts into actual words. It’s usually just a stew of emotions, quick reactions, and past preconceptions. Putting a label to the things you do makes it easier to understand. Also it’s so much easier to call yourself out on your own bullshit. Everyone can benefit from little more insight in their day to day life. Why not give it a try? I think everybody has a little captain counselor in them.